Your 18-month-old's behavior: Tantrum triggers

Tantrum triggers

Some days it may seem as though the littlest things set your toddler off. You serve his morning milk in the "wrong" cup and he throws it at you. Or he wants to go barefoot, even though it's raining outside, and screams his head off when you insist on putting on his boots. What's going on? Sometimes the triggers will be more obvious than others. He may be tired or angry. Or he may be frustrated by his inability to complete a task that he is determined to do, like putting a round peg in a square hole.

What you can do

Tantrums tend to occur at the worst possible time for you. It seems like when your toddler blows a fuse you're either in a hurry to get out the door in the morning, at the grocery store with half the shopping done, or in the waiting room of the doctor's office. What do these situations have in common? They are times that a typical toddler might feel emotional overload, and like he doesn't have your full attention. If you are aware of the situations that trigger tantrums, you may be able to prevent many of them with minor adjustments or a little advance planning. Get out of bed 15 minutes earlier in the morning so you're not rushing around the house. If you must grocery shop with your child, do it when he is well rested and fed. Carry a favorite book or stuffed animal to doctor visits ? anything you can do to keep him calm will help. Also remember that the occasional tantrum is a normal byproduct of toddlerhood and development.

Other developments: Learning how to share, comfort objects

There is no "yours" in a toddler's vocabulary ? everything is "mine!" So your car keys, a sibling's beloved stuffed dog, his dad's boots, the slide at the local playground ? all these things are, in the eyes of an 18-month-old, his. You can help your child understand what sharing means by praising him when he does give a toy to another child or lets another toddler go down the slide first. When reading a book or watching a video, point out examples of sharing. Try to avoid scolding him when he doesn't want to; sometimes just acknowledging how difficult sharing is will make him more willing to do so. You will have to be patient, and take comfort in the knowledge that other parents of toddlers are going through the same thing.

For a toddler, a favorite stuffed toy is a great source of comfort. He might also have some habits that soothe him ? like twirling his hair, rocking, or sucking his thumb. Most children naturally outgrow these behaviors by the time they're 4, so there's probably no need for you to intervene now.

Your 19-month-old's behavior: Raising a well-behaved child

Raising a well-behaved child

What does discipline mean to you? Your definition of this fundamental part of parenting will determine your approach to it. If you think of disciplining your child as training him to do what you want him to do, you will be frustrated. On the other hand, if you think of discipline as teaching your child the limits of acceptable behavior, you will help him develop into a responsible and independent person.

To cut down on power struggles as your toddler strives for independence, make sure you treat him the way you'd like to be treated. Try compromise instead of commands ? he'll respond more amicably. "You can't go outside right now," you might say if it's time for a nap instead, "but we can read a book now and take a nap and go outside later." Instead of "You must pick up the blocks before dinner," make it "I'll pick up the puzzle pieces if you pick up the blocks."

What you can do

• Establish rules, but keep them simple and limit yourself to a few ? a toddler isn't capable of keeping track of more than a few basic expectations. Make your enforcement of household rules consistent.
• Maintain a sense of humor. Remember that your toddler is a work in progress and you can't expect him to always act the way you want him to.
• Spanking does not teach children anything but fear, and that aggression is a way to solve problems.
• You must find ways of setting limits (and use your words) to assure him that even when he is doing something you don't want him to do you still love and accept him. You can kindly and firmly stop him from hurting himself or someone else by saying, "No, I can't let you do that," and remove him physically from the sandbox or top of the couch, and then reassure him that you love him.

Other developments: Sleep changes

While every child operates on his own sleep schedule, the average toddler sleeps between ten and 13 hours a day. By 19 months most children have given up their morning nap, but still sleep for about two hours in the afternoon. If you find that even one nap rejuvenates your toddler to the point that he won't go down at night without a fight, you might opt to trade afternoon "quiet" time, reading or playing quietly indoors, for a nap.

Even a tired toddler will try to postpone bedtime, at least occasionally. He loves being with you, and once he realizes that going to bed means he's missing out on some household action, he'll test you with a variety of delay tactics. "More books," "Drink of water," and "Sing a song" are common refrains. These antics may be amusing at first, but they will quickly grow tiresome. Your best bet is to find a bedtime routine, such as a bath, a story, and a song, that works, and stick with it.

Does your toddler still sleep contentedly in his crib? Count your blessings! He may be perfectly happy to go down in his crib until well past his second birthday. Or he may be such a determined climber that he's already discovered he can scale the side rails ? much to your dismay. To make crib-hopping as difficult as possible, be sure to remove the padded bumper and any stuffed animals or other toys that your child could use to give him a leg up and over; the mattress should also be set on the lowest level by now. Since crib climbers are at risk for injury, if your child refuses to stay in his crib you may have to put him into a bed. Or you could invest in a crib "tent," a mesh cover (they're used in hospitals) designed to keep a toddler safely in his crib.