Honesty Sample - Value!

Integrity with other individuals, with institutions, with society, with self. The inner strength and confidence that is bred by exacting truthfulness and trustworthiness.

Sample Method for Preschoolers: "The Demonstration Game"

This game can help small children grasp the concept and know the terminology.

Ask, "Do you know the difference between something that's true and something that's not true? Let's see if you do. I'll say something and you say, "True" or "Not true." Start with simple physical facts and move toward things relating to behavior, for example:

1. The sky is green. (Kids say, "Not true.")
2. (Point at foot) This is my foot. (Kids say, "True.")
3. Ants are bigger than elephants.
4. We see with our eyes.
5. We hear with our nose.
6. Milk comes from chickens.
7. Take a cookie out of a jar and eat it. Then say, "I didn't eat the cookie."
8. Drop a toy on the couch. Then say, "Yes, I left my toy on the couch."

Then say, "You really can tell the difference between true and not true, can't you? Do you know what it's called when someone says something that's not true? It's called a lie."

Now: "I'll say some more things and you say, 'Truth' if it's true and 'Lie' if it's not true."

• Pick up a dollar on the floor. Then say, "I didn't find a dollar."
• Give a bite of food to someone else. Then say, "No, I didn't eat all my food. I gave some of it to _______."

(Use illustrations appropriate to your child or children.)

Then ask, "Why is telling the truth better than telling a lie?" (So that everyone knows what really happened; so the wrong person won't get blamed; so we can learn to do better, etc.)

Sample Method for Elementary Age: "The Honesty Under Pressure Award"

This is a motivational way to get children to evaluate their personal honesty every week. On Sundays (or whatever day you most often get your whole family together for a meal) ask, "Who had a situation this past week where it was a challenge to be honest?" Have an "award" on hand to give to the person who remembers the best incident of being honest. A piece of construction paper or colored card with a neatly printed H.U.P. (Honesty Under Pressure) will do nicely as the award. Let the child (or adult) who wins put it on his bedroom door during the week until it is awarded again the next week.

After a couple of weeks of "getting used to," you will find that children are thinking hard about their behavior of the past week in hopes of winning the award. And it is this kind of thinking and recognition that strongly reinforces honesty.

Sample Method for Adolescents: "Analyzing Various Types of Dishonesty"

This kind of discussion can help older children to grasp the broader definitions of honesty and dishonesty.

Say, "There are really a lot of different types of dishonesty. Let's see how many we can list." With some encouragement children will list many of the following:

• Cheating on tests.
• Cheating on taxes.
• Cheating on expense reports.
• Calling a ball out in a tennis game that you're not sure was out.
• Exaggerating.
• Telling someone they look nice when they really don't (flattery).
• Not telling the whole truth so you won't get in trouble.
• Twisting the truth just a little so it won't sound so bad.
• Lying to protect yourself.

Keep the list growing by asking sub-questions, such as, "What are some kinds of dishonesty to parents? What are some kinds of dishonesty to self?"

Saying you got in earlier than you really did.
Not being able to admit it when you are scared or worried or insecure.

Ask, "Are any of these forms of dishonesty okay? What about white lies or little exaggerations?" (Help them to see that even "little lies" are usually unnecessary: You can think a little harder and come up with an honest compliment; you don't really need to exaggerate, etc. If you're going to be honest, why not be completely honest?)